What do you think of the "red light" concept? Do you think it's fair to a girl of 22 to say no to an offer because her sister of 24 is still around? I can understand why a girl of 19 or 20 would wait for a sister who's 20, 21, 22, but I have a hard time agreeing with the concept of waiting around for an older sister until you become that 'older' girl...
I know a girl, very nice girl, excellent middos, etc. who waited for her sister. Older sister finally got married at 26 and younger sister was by then almost 24. That was 2 years ago, now younger sister is almost 26. It's hard enough for those of us that enter the shidduch parsha at 19, imagine first entering at 24?
What do you guys think?
Not that I'm so close-minded as to think that life is over at 24 if you're not married, but the fact remains that if you're trying to swim in the shidduch world you have to play by certain rules. Unless there is some major drastic change in the system, we're all in the same boat, and as much as we may dislike it that's the way it is...
I know a girl, very nice girl, excellent middos, etc. who waited for her sister. Older sister finally got married at 26 and younger sister was by then almost 24. That was 2 years ago, now younger sister is almost 26. It's hard enough for those of us that enter the shidduch parsha at 19, imagine first entering at 24?
What do you guys think?
Not that I'm so close-minded as to think that life is over at 24 if you're not married, but the fact remains that if you're trying to swim in the shidduch world you have to play by certain rules. Unless there is some major drastic change in the system, we're all in the same boat, and as much as we may dislike it that's the way it is...
4 comments:
it's tough. it's really tough. i don't think girls should be made to wait for their older sisters when they're getting older already, but it's really hard for the older sister if th younger gets marrried first. it says somewhere about "if there's even one bit of jealousy by the older sister, it will have a bad effect on the marriage"
you touched a sore spot. i'm one of those younger sisters (who isn't so young anymore) still waiting for the right one to arrive. Hope I won't go on for too long, cuz i've got a lot to sound off.
1. no one "made me wait". i couldn't do it to my older sister or to my parents. while each situation is different, in my case it was clear to me that the damage would be too great to ever repair.
2. Bashert means just that. i have friends who have been dating since 19 who only found their match after 6 years of suffering and i have friends dating from 19 who are still looking for their match. The right one comes at the right time - regardless of the way we understand things. Obviously, i was not destined to be married at 19. Imagine if i'd have been dating since then!
3. it isn't/wasn't so bad! i had an easier time sharing in the joy of my friends simchas than my other dating friends did. i was spared the agonies of "i wish it was me" or "why did i say no to this name" when friends got engaged.
4. one more perk - life is a lot more fun when you're not in shidduch mode. i had a good time doing things my friends couldn't do because they were in shidduchim. i worked abroad for a year, planned my summers IN ADVANCE (not the 2 weeks before version ;), had real fun by weddings without worrying about ppl looking at me, took vacations, spent money on myself...the list goes on.
maybe it's a matter of looking at the glass half full, but though things are tough shidduchim-wise at this point, one thing that never comes to haunt me is the fact that i waited for my sister. Increased ahavas yisroel never hurt anybody.
Oh wow I just posted about this today on my blog because of something a reader said. However I posted the other side of the story. I totally hear each side...I probably would want to date very badly if I was the one with the red light. On the other hand, it is very hard to let your younger sister go first. Some people make it seem so easy and I really can't fathom where they get the strength from because I certainly don't have it. I hope Hashem sends everyone their zivug soon and that it should happen in a way that everyone is 100% happy!
And by the way, lil sis you have an amazing attitude and I really admire you for it! May you be zoche to find your shidduch easily and without any pain right after your sister!
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