I don't even know how to put in words. I just wish that people knew, realized, and understood the ill effects of outside pressure when dating. I wish people realized that life is NOT a romance novel; that starry eyed infatuation is not going to come after 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, or even 10 dates. I wish people took a step back and let the dating couple make their own, clear headed, thought out, decisions. I wish coming back from each date wasn't met with people smiling expectantly. I wish people realized that when the decision is no - it's MY life, MY dissapointment, and most importantly - if he said no, than he wasn't for me.
The pressure that outsiders (or insiders) put on young men and women in the dating scene can be so heavy it is often unbearable. Is it not enough that a girl has to think four hundred times before she walks out of the house lest she ruin the next prospective match? Is it not enough that the pressure of 'being in the parsha' lays heavy on our shoulders every single day of our lives? Don't people realize how important a clear headed decision is when dating? Don't people realize that this isn't about making someone else (other than the boy and girl themselves) happy, nor is it about planning one night? Do people not realize that making a life decision has to be RATIONAL - not "If you can't overlook some chesronos then you'll never get married." What if he is simply NOT for me??
Sigh. So many disasters can be prevented if people would only think before they start putting pressure on an emotionally stressed, nervous, busy, dating girl.
A wise man once told me:
When you are looking into a boy think of him as if he's the ONLY person who is willing to date you. Do NOT compare him to anyone, when calling around about him look for his highest qualities. Once you agree to go out, however, you should enter each date with this thought: "There are 500 hundered boys chasing me down the street, is this the one I am going to choose."
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7 comments:
Whoever that person was, they gave you excellent advice. I have a friend who always thinks the next one will be "just perfect". Pick a few people who you can trust and listen to them. The rest, just nod your head and look interested(while ignoring what they're saying!). We get a lot of people giving us advice about our problem having kids. Guess they mean well, but if I wanted there opinion, I'd ask!
Something strange is going on here -- one blogger after another is taking the words out of my mouth. I guess I'll have to start typing faster if I want any original topics on my blog!
:-P
I think I'll take it from a different angle (when I get around to it) but suffice it to say that the pressure was driving me out of my mind and I'm only starting to get over it.
Ugh. Someone I know set up a couple. After a few dates they decided it wasn't for them. She was convinced they were perfect and pressured them to go out again. They did, a few more times, and again decided they weren't for each other. She pressured them more... they got married. Now they're getting divorced.
Wow. That is excellent advice. I think I am going to write that down.
Nowadays, everyone is pressured about everything- so it is only natural that shidduchim take the highest rung in pressure. Perhaps if there was a more relaxed atmosphere, the entire dating process would be easier. And furthermore, there would probably be a whole lot of better, healthier marriages if people weren't so rushed.
Hands over your ears. Don't take it. It's your life - don't ruin it.
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