I was talking to a friend (married) of mine late last night and I was laughing about the fact that now that she has a baby her life doesn't run on "newlywed hours." She got home late from a simcha, her baby was kvetchy so she was up and she wanted to talk to someone - who better than a single friend! Anyway, this dear friend of mine tells me "Miss Teacher, I just realized that you have a lot of married friends." Umm... yep. ALL of my good friends are married, but thanks for the reminder, I almost forgot.
Newlywed hours meaning: "We totally have to get together, I mean it's crazy I never see you! Let's see.. my husband comes home for lunch around 2:30, that means I need to be home to prepare lunch by 2:00, and he doesn't go back until 3:30 and by 4:30-5:00 I have to start preparing supper because my husband comes home from Kollel at 7:30 and from then until shachris tomorrow morning I'm officially unavailable. I will not answer the phone, I will only attend shiurim that are geared for married women, and only if my husband has a shiur at the same time that night, simchas are limited to those of very close friends and even those are timed because my husband is waiting for me in the hallway... um so do you want to come over at from 3:45-4:15? Oh, you teach until 4:30? That's a shame, well I guess I'll see you in shul this shabbos!" Yeah and our 'get together' will consist of bowing to barchu at the same time.
BTW - Does "my husband" ever get a name? I mean at what point do newlyweds start referring to their husbands by a name as opposed to 'my husband?'
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6 comments:
Lol, I'm with you completely on this one. I have the same conversations with my married friends.
B"H my married friends aren't all like this. Some of them even still come hang out with us single gals for a Girls Night Out sometimes! :) And most of my married friends, even if they don't keep the same late hours and they do need to spend some time with their husbands (obviously!), they still make time for me and their other single friends. I go to them for Shabbos, I go to them sometimes for meals on weeknights just to hang out, we talk on the phone. Maybe it's just a difference in mentality between my crowd and yours?
This isn't to say that I don't have friends who dropped off the face of the earth after they got married. But if the friendship was important enough to begin with, it usually continues.
halfshared - aren't they just great?
scraps - B"H my good friends have remained good friends (they have not fallen off the face of the earth) through dating, engagements, marriage, pregnancy, and babies. The ones I am close with I still hang out with, I go over to their houses, I get invited for meals, etc. However the mentality is that once married, your new life revolves around someone else. Obviously some friends (even good ones) take that more seriously than others...
I also think that the way my friends act after they are married have a lot to do with
1) how long they've been married for
2) how well they're adjusting to this very new and different life
3) pregnancy - (girls who get pregnant right away obviously act differently than how I knew them before they got marrried!)
4) personality - the more easygoing a person is, the less uptight they're going to be about all that stuff.
The one thing I must say is that most of my friends enjoy having a single one around - someone who's not tied to someone else yet...
Just wait until your friends move on shlichus to different time zones. Boy are they happy to have a single friend to call at all hours of the night!
Member- lol the truth is that all my friends on shlichus (regardless of timezone) call a lot simply because they get lonely and they miss having a social life with girls their age and style. But talking on the phone isn't the same as spending time with someone...
You're right about the easygoing part. My close friend recently got married, and less than a week and a half after the wedding she called me up to hang out with her and sent her husband out, and we ended up staying together until 4:45 am. This time the roles were reversed- *I* felt rather awkward taking her away. But she insisted on what would be our last chance before they moved. And he encouraged it. And they're quite happy together. Go figure...
But yeah, some people are just comfortable in any situation.
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